Return to Ritual - My Personal Journey
I’ve spent most of my life trying to find a space where I belong, where I could truly connect to source/spirit/MYSELF. I attended a Christian high school and watched all my close friends’ baptisms. I had a deep desire to be baptised myself because it signified a dedication to a belief and was one of the only ceremonies I’d ever witnessed. My desire to connect and make a genuine commitment was so great that I gave up many lunchtimes for bible study. I never was baptised. The belief system never resonated with me, I never felt that connection and I intuitively knew it was not for me.
In my early 20’s I became fascinated with world religions and in particular the rituals that each offered. I realised that rituals was what I felt was missing from my life and sadly, from the culture I grew up in. While most rituals were beautiful to me, I truly connected with nature based religions and I was particularly drawn to Wicca. I studied and practiced different aspects as a solitary for a couple of years and then it slipped out of my life and yet I still held on to many of the teachings and ritual aspects.
In my mid 20’s I reached a crisis point in my life. I was depressed, anxious, dependent on anti-depressants and I knew I had to do something to get my life back from the big, black, isolated hole I was in. I needed a drastic change. I quit my job and enrolled in a 3 month Yoga and Ashram Life program. Every day for three months I practiced Hatha Yoga, Karma Yoga, Nada Yoga and attended Havan once a week. Havan is a fire ritual where we chanted the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra as we offered up anything we wanted to release into the fire for transformation. I loved Havan. I loved the chanting, the action of offering up what no longer served me and I loved that I had found a place where I could share ritual with others. Once I completed my program I only ever returned to the Ashram three or four times and again ritual slipped out of my life.
Several years later I miscarried. My partner and I were devastated. We had lost our baby and there was nothing tangible that I could grab hold of and mourn my loss. There was only ever the love and grief that I felt and a couple of ultrasound photos to show that our baby had existed. I was already a mother but I no longer had my baby. It was then that I once again returned to ritual. My partner and I held our private ceremony in our backyard one evening where I offered up my grief, my loss, my pain, my tears, my blood for transformation. I had never been more grateful for ritual, the fact that we could honour our baby’s short existence and our loss was a significant step in my healing.
One year later, we welcomed our gorgeous girl into the world. Today, at 4 years old, our daughter told my partner and I that we were going to do a ritual to celebrate the fact that she had started her transition into primary school. She set up the space, got out my drum, asked for candles and sage and I was blown away. My journey back to ritual, back to the ancient wisdom within that I had forgotten, had taken me years to remember but came so naturally to my daughter. I truly hope that she always remembers and stays connected with her personal power.
From rituals of transforming loss to rituals of celebrating life stages, I feel our culture is in need of more acknowledgment of each and every significant life event.
If you desire a deeper connection to your innate inner power, would like a ritual created for you or are interested in upcoming women's circles and ritual offerings, then be sure to sign up or feel free to connect with me HERE .
With love & gratitude,