I felt heavy, tired, restricted, a lot of discomfort - all both emotionally, energetically and physically. At times I had the urge to shake it off so I could move into another state but mostly I just allowed myself to move with it, although at times I did stretch out the physical tightness. Moving into the heart space there was grief and a feeling of broken heart.

It’s interesting to begin to differentiate between my feelings/thoughts/emotions moving my body versus me moving my body to shift something out (which I’ve realised I do often), versus allowing my body to intuitively move and whether or not I try to attach a label to any of it or simply track it.

Stuck in my head today. Found myself attaching to parts of the music. Shavasana song: I found a part so irritating and another part really emotive simultaneously and found myself almost fighting between the two. I was eventually able to sink into my body and could’ve easily fallen asleep in integration.

I did not want to practice today. It’s been an emotionally draining day. I chose to practice anyway. I had such irritation come up, found it hard to be in my body, not necessarily stuck in my head, just agitated, wanted the practice to be over and I cut my integration short. I’m tired and feel overdone. I’m grateful I showed up but curious as to why I couldn’t allow myself 2 more mins of rest. I wonder if I’d continued movement a little longer if that agitation would’ve stayed…?

Today I felt calm, gentle, no need to get anywhere or be a certain way. It just was.

I could not sit within my body. I had so much anxiety I bailed on the practice. I do wonder how it would have processed had I stayed with the full practice. Big learning experience falling into place - embodiment does not always feel amazing, pleasurable and grounded. Today it felt like I needed to get myself out. But jumping into my head wasn’t pleasant either.

Today I showed up simply because I’m committed to practicing my practice

simply showing up today

I dropped into body for ‘moving what you’re feeling’ so easily today. Again felt great to move my body. Feel that I’m leaving it too late to do this practice though…?

Found integration annoying, so many thoughts!

This is the most dynamic practice I’ve done in months and months. Felt my life force energy strongly. Tears because it’s been a lot

A lot physical tension after a day on the laptop, tears came up from what felt like nowhere, grief, overwhelm, release. I felt deeply tired and gave myself extra integration and rest time

I found myself smiling and feeling joy, deep relaxation

It felt so liberating that I could find pleasure while feeling physically unwell. Like bringing some balance back into my body and feeling the body pains as energy leaving

I felt anxiety at the thought of calling in practice because it felt daunting and overwhelming. However once I allowed myself t drop into the practice, it was gentle, a softening, calling in calm, peace, love and deep rest. It was interesting to find that balance in allowing my body to relax and rest and be still while still moving a part of my body

Calling in didn’t feel as big and overwhelming as it has in the past. It felt calm and gentle with presence and peace

Releasing ongoing tension, pain in back of the neck lead into releasing tightness, stuckness in the front of the throat. I began coughing a little and had the confirmation that release does not have to be big to be profound, something past trainings has taught as truth.

Conscious of the music and how it influenced my practice but also aware that it’s been a draining, emotional day.

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 I felt pain in my lower back at first but then moved my legs and dropped into pleasure quite fast which I found surprising. My body felt highly sensitised after a short time of following pleasure. I found pleasure not only in the movement of my body but also in the way my clothing touched and moved over my skin. I felt deeply relaxed, a relaxed that I have not felt in such a long time. I could’ve easily curled up and gone to sleep.

I explored pleasure through touch and movement which was mostly in hips and legs. Found moments of guilt arise around “I should be inside with my family not here exploring pleasure”. Refocused on pleasure. Felt deeply relaxed. I slipped into a space in-between during integration. I was in a teepee with people surrounding me in communal healing. But almost as soon as I became consciously aware it slipped away.

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I could not get out of my thinking brain today. Rather than just feeling or observing what was coming up, I noticed I was trying to label. Dropped into heart space easily. Felt super impatient during integration, again stuck in my head.

It felt so good to physically move after the overwhelming and intense anxiety I felt yesterday. Realised that it does not have to be long to be profound. Had a visualisations of all the stress falling away from my body, like grains of sand, back into the earth. Gratitude for myself for showing up today.

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After putting it off all afternoon I forgot to do my practice. Slightly amusing after yesterday’s statement but  feeling disappointed I didn’t do it. Learning: don’t put off until the evening when I have time during the day.

I loved that this was purely about following pleasure. No end game, just in the moment with what felt beautiful. I smiled a lot during this practice. I feel calm and relaxed.

 big resistance today

So many tears of release, felt like collapsing in on myself as it’s a lot right now. Left feeling calm though

Feeling uneasy and frustrated, in my head, resistant not listening to myself, not enough sleep

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I wonder what life would feel like if I followed pleasure more in my everyday

After practicing to only instrumental these past weeks I wanted to experience and see how it felt to practice with lyrics again and it was a vastly different experience. I felt more like dancing. It was extremely distracting, taking me away from my own self and my own experience. I was following the music and lyrics filled my mind, rather than following my body my own thoughts and emotions

I felt deeply relaxed and expansive

Feeling so sore and so tight in my back and hips, didn’t really want to do it. Every part of my body feels sore and inflamed, got into bed and moved basically just one arm. Made it through though

Emotions came up in such a short period of time during the session. There was agitation, sadness, frustration, anger and they all moved through my body quite fast. I felt naturally called to end the session by allowing love to move me. I felt pulsing energy in my hands and the words came up,  “You forgot you are magic. You just forgot, that’s all.” I felt a deep sense of calm in this quiet space without all the external noise.

Resistance to moving first half of song, just cried. The. Really wanted to physically push out some intense emotions straight away but instead just allowed movement. Released through tensing and shaking shoulders/hips before connecting in with heart.

Calling softness and life force energy into my body. Body wanted to curl up and self nurture which I resisted feeling a need to be more dynamic. Let that go and self nurtured and realised my body wanted to call in a sense of safety. Moved through these during the rest of the practice.

I could not get out of my thinking brain today. Rather than just feeling or observing what was coming up, I noticed I was trying to label. Dropped into heart space easily. Felt super impatient during integration, again stuck in my head.

I resisted doing this tonight as it was so late but it was just a really gentle process, felt so good to move my body

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There is so much tension in my body, neck shoulders all my back, hips. Really tired

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Today was physically painful and I felt so much exhaustion

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I was surprised there were tears during this practice. Another layer of grief. And bone deep exhaustion from carrying so much for so long. 

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Resistance to the practice today, simply showing up to practice

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I realised I was trying to move my body rather than hearing that I am mentally physically and emotionally fatigued.

Showing up despite resistance

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Todays practice was incredibly grounding while accessing a sense of safety within my body

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Feeling so much frustration and anxiety that I don’t want to stay with the practice - I want to run from everything but I freeze.

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I went into the practice feeling good and quickly a layer of grief came up unexpectedly, moved with that grief and then it was gone

Releasing stagnant energy through back and hips extremely tight through upper back shoulders neck – found that difficult to release. Feeling tired in every way. Tired from holding on and pushing through without much love and joy